I know deep down inside that he is right. I indeed lost myself. My craving for excellence was erased by conceding to mediocrity. I am unsure of everything now. And for a control freak like me, everything that I have no power over stresses me out. That equates to me being very stressed now.
I am in a low-down when I confided to a friend what I am going through. Then I realized that I shouldn't be feeling bad about myself at all. More than anything, I know that I have everything I could ever ask for (i.e. Ronald, Ice, a so-far-stable job). I may be struggling but I think I am doing a fairly good job. Aside from that, I realized that I am indeed lucky to have found a true friend who keeps me sane and lifts my spirits when I'm down.
Anyway, for those who might be in the same boat as I am, I just want to share what my friend had to say:
..."I've been thinking a lot about what you told me and I wish there was something I could say to you that would make everything seem right. The truth is, I haven't known you as long as your Dad and your friends back home and I wouldn't presume to know you any better. What I do know is this, you can never be the same person you were at nineteen. Those were probably the best years of your life and some of the most care free. Please don't get me wrong, I know school can be tough but you never had to worry too much about some of life's greatest hurdles, managing a home, raising a son and keeping your partner from going insane with his fair share of problems. A mother's job is 24/7 and if that doesn't take up all of your time, a husband and the home will...
...I've worked with you from day one and I've seen you take on your fair share and more. I watched you grow from strength to strength in the department and I've seen what you're capable of. You haven't been home in quite a while and it's understandable that some people may see a difference in you, but it wouldn't be a just call until they've seen you at work, until they've experienced first hand the rat race lifestyle that is Singapore. You still embody those traits that your Dad speaks of. It's just not as obvious for you, but you're making a mark in the RAC and that takes more than you think...
...You have to remember something, motherhood changes a woman. She becomes a little softer, she has to, raising a child makes it necessary or the bond will never grow. She learns compassion and empathy, she needs to or she will never see through her childs eyes. She learns to love, she must, or she will never fulfill the needs of her husband and her child. The changes you've gone thru don't make you a weaker person, the changes and decisions you've made only serve to make you stronger. You will be decisive and headstrong when you need to be, just not all the time. You're only 26 darling, your time to make your mark will come and I know you'll be ready for it when it does. Your Dad has to realize that the headstrong nineteen year old Girl with nothing ahead of her but her ambitions and the world, is now a Mother and a Wife, a Woman with a career and a home, a Woman who's managing to keep it all together in a foreign country...
...Trust your instincts. Listen to what your family & close friends have to say but don't be too critical on yourself for what they think. I know you as well as I possibly could in what little time we've had. You're soo much more than what you're giving yourself credit for. You're soo much more than what your Dad said you are. Cheer up!"...
And all I can say was 'thanks'. =)
