Entitled
JuLiE
Isn't it time to change the title of my blog?? 


It is currently..


oVeR a gLaSs Of MiLk & cLaSsIcAL mUsIc


whatsos of a professional bum-slash-homesick daughter-slash-beautiful wife-slash-expectant mommy


and it is sooo outdated!
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When I start writing, I just can't stop. When I stop writing, I just can't start.
JuLiE

I just got home from a movie date with my sisters at Downtown East. I reached there at about 9:30PM, bought the tickets then had dinner at Just Acia. We booked the 11:45PM showing of Dear John, which meant that we had more than two hours to eat and chit chat. The free flow of coffee did its job to keep me awake for the late show. 
--oOo--
I'm so blessed to have cool sisters. They are MORE blessed to have ME though. :)
--oOo--
Dear John is sad but not a tear jerker. Channing Tatum is hot! 
--oOo--
The first thing that I wanted to do when we got home was pluck my white hairs. It is so addictive! I'm such a sicko, my sisters told me. I need to dye my hair very soon!
--oOo--
Farah invited us for clubbing but I said I can't come because of the movie date. Then she actually got angry and started bitching at me. She didn't want to share her Mentos, said that she's not gonna invite me for anything and that I'm out of her mailing list. Hahaha! This girl. Mood swings! 
--oOo--
I had coffee with Farah (yes that same Farah) and Fizah before I met my sisters, who were both coming from the city area. Actually I had hot choco for a change. Farah was still in her hater mood. Fizah, on the other hand, was acting schizo as one minute she was all bubbly and happy then the next minute she was so quiet. She doesn't read my blog so it was okay to say that. Haha! Just kidding Fizah! Love them both. :)
--oOo--
Come to think of it, this day was quite eventful. We had a RAC CNY lunch at Imperial Chinese Restaurant (or something that sounds like that). I suspect that Stephen Lai (our boss) frequented the place because he was on first name basis with the waitresses. Or maybe he just read their name plates? Now I'm not quite sure anymore. In any case, we were so full that all I can think of after that was siesta!
--oOo--
I haven't packed my office stuff! We are moving to a new office building next week. The office is really cool. It has an open concept, which I think is very fresh. There are no partitions. The bosses will practically be sitting with everyone else, not in their own offices and not even in cubicles. Okay maybe that's the downside of it. But everything else looks good. There are lounges and ikea-style pantries. The cafeteria looks like a bar, complete with a pool table and computers like in a net cafe. There are shower rooms and prayer rooms. Okay that's about what I've seen so far. The only problem is going there! It is very complicated. I will need to take the bus to Pasir Ris MRT then take the train to Tana Merah, then transfer to another train going to Expo then take the shuttle bus going to the office. I must find an easier way to get there! Soon!!!
--oOo--
And so I told one of my colleagues that the office is very nice. He replied, 'You mean you find it appealling??'. And I was like, 'Um, yeah?? Don't you??'. Then he asked me what is so appealing about it. And I don't know why I even bothered to explain. Then he said, 'I don't find it appealing at all. You see, how often can you use the shower rooms? How often can you eat at the cafeteria? Blah blah blah'. Argh!  Those were not even reasonable reasons. I wonder if people are born haters or has circumstances made them that way.
--oOo--
Or maybe because the older you get, the more you resent change.
--oOo--
I haven't spoken to my husband in two weeks.
--oOo--
I'm so freaking sleepy! Good night. =)

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I am a Mother and I am Beginning to Know
JuLiE


Being a mother is indescribably wonderful. But it is also tough. Seriously. I couldn't even begin to say how sad I feel when Ice ignores me when I get home from work. It is petty I know. Or the time when he sadly told me that one of his classmates said that he's a dirty fellow because he's very messy when he eats. I lay awake worrying that he might not be accepted by his peers. The thought was horrible that I almost cried. Or the times when I miss him so much that I want him near me eventhough he's asleep. Sadly, he doesn't want to sleep beside me (not all the time) because he'd rather sleep with Tita Lolit (his nanny). He'd say that Tita Lolit wants to sleep beside him too. This hurts so much that it leaves a hole in my heart every time. It was terrible when his teacher told me that he doesn't play with the boys and only plays puzzles by himself or with quiet girls. I was worried that the other boys might have been bullying him. He improved as school went on. But still, it was a dreadful thought.

Though I have only been a mother for four years, I am beginning to know that being a mother is tough. When Tita Lolit's daughter came to visit, Ice was very excited. He has been talking about her arrival for days. When she finally arrived, he started to ignore me. I asked him to have his dinner before he play, then he scornfully replied 'I don't care about you', then kept on playing. I got up angrily and went to my room. A few moments later he went inside my room to use my toilet, I shouted at him, 'Get out of my room, I don't like you!'. Then he burst into tears and went back to his room. Ronald asked him to say sorry to me and so he went inside my room crying and said sorry. I ignored him and closed the door on him. Yeah, I know, that was very mean. But I was so hurt when he told me off. I couldn't sleep that night and was very sad for a few days. I said sorry to him a couple of days after that by the way.

Four years. It has only been four years. I couldn't begin to think how it would be like when Ice will have his own friends and wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. When I would need to beg for his time and attention. What about his first heart break? Will my heart break too? Will I want to slap the girl, drag her on the floor, tie her to a tree and feed her to an army of ants? I remember when I was in College. I was super hectic. I'd normally be home at about 2-3AM almost everyday. And everytime my dad would be there waiting. He'd cook me supper then chat with me while I eat. I now know that it was because he misses me. He'd give anything just to spend time with me eventhough it meant that he needed to wait. 

Four years and I am beginning to know. That a mother's capacity to love and to suffer is limitless. Because a mother's emotions are not her only emotions. Whatever a child feels is also felt by the mother, magnified a hundredfold. 
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When Kids Talk, You Listen Part III
JuLiE


At four, Ice is more articulate than a lot of people I know. His grammar and sentence construction are commendable. He thinks and reacts very fast... Yah, whatever, I'm the mother so I can say anything good about my kid, haha!

But really, it seems like I'll never run out of these...





On Halloween Day, we planned to go to Escape for the Halloween party but then it rained so hard the whole day:

Mommy: Let's pray for the rain to stop so we can go.
(And so we prayed. After a while the rain stopped)
Mommy: See, the rain stopped, we can go now. :)
Ice: The rain stopped? Because of me?? The rain stopped because of me??? That means I saved the whole world!!!
Ice goes to Daddy: Daddy the rain stopped because of me. :)
Ice goes to Tita Lolit: Tita Lolit the rain stopped because of me. :)

And so when the rain stopped, I changed him into his cowboy costume:

Mommy: You are so cute!
Ice: I'm not cute!!! *angry face*
Mommy: Why? But you are cute!
Ice: I'm handsome! Cowboys are not cute, they're handsome!

28/11/2009 - Onac was having his hair cut at the barber shop while Ice sat at the waiting area. He was so pissed when an auntie sat beside him that he showed his angry face. He tried his best to sit as far from the auntie  (maybe around 6 inches away) and as closer to the wall as possible. The following day:

Mommy: Why don't you like sitting beside aunties?
Ice: Because they're not beautiful enough...

In November 2009

Mommy: I hope I win the toto!
Ice: Mommy, what's the toto? It's just like Tito Totoy.
(Tito = Uncle, Totoy- Tita Lolit's (Ice's sitter) husband)

05/12/09 - After we collected the SCB Marathon race entry pack at Expo:

Ice: Mommy, is toto the big race?
(He suddenly thought that I was hoping for us to win the marathon)

6/12/09 - After Ice finished the Kid's Dash at the SCB Marathon:

Ice: Mommy I won the race! Everyone was cheering for me! Even the guy on top (the host at the stage I suppose). He said, 'That boy, that's me (side comment), is so fast! He's even faster than his daddy!'

07/12/09 - After the marathon, I took a one day leave and met up with Foon (colleague) and Brayden (her son) for swimming at the Chinese Swimming Club

Foon: Hi Ice, how old are you?
Ice: I'm four years old but I'm just like six years old.

That same day, Ice and I went inside the girls' toilet to change him to his wet suit:

Ice: (in a whsper) Mommy... I think we better hurry... before they know that I have a birdie.

Sometime in October 2009 - Ice and Tita Lolit were at the lift at Lucky Plaza and an auntie greeted Ice:

Auntie: Hello little boy.
Ice: I'm not a little boy! I'm four years old, I'm a big boy!

29/11/2009 - During dinner at Expo, Ice was telling May (colleague) that he wants a baby sister:

Mommy: How can we make a baby sister?
Ice: When you eat a lot of food the food will turn into a sister.

That same night, May asked him if he already has a girlfriend:

Ice whispered to me: Xiya is not my girlfriend anymore.
Mommy: Why?
Ice: Because she removed a sticker from my water bottle.
Mommy to May: He said Xiya is not his girlfriend anymore...
Ice: Don't tell her!!!

28/12/2009 - My in-laws, Ronald, Ice and I went to Jurong West for swimming. When it was already time to go, everyone else left for the shower room to take a bath except for Ice and Ronald.

Ice: *looked around then started crying* Where's my family?!?!

That same night, I was coughing so bad...

Ice: Mommy, are you dying?

In January 2010 - Ice and I were at Pepay's house for her farewell party when Ice saw the boys smoking:

Ice: Aha! You are smoking! That's bad! My daddy smokes too.
Pepay: Didn't you tell your daddy that smoking is bad?
Ice: Yes. But well, he never listens.

In January 2010 - Ronald, Ice and I were at Rejoice and Mike's place. Ronald and Ice were playing with Mike's PS3 game.

Ronald: Ice kill that bad guy!
Ice: Daddy that is not the bad guy!
Ronald: How did you know?
Ice: Because look, he's carrying a guitar and not a sword!

In January 2010 - While I was putting Ice to sleep.

Mommy: Good night my angel.
Ice: But mommy, angels don't sleep...

In January 2010 - During Rhea and Jojo's wedding, Ulrich, his cousin, didn't want to wear his barong.

Ronald: If you don't wear this you won't be handsome like me!

In January 2010 - Ice sings:

Ice: 'Cannot buy cannot buy tantantantan pull the break' (Poker Face) and 'You're my single way you're my single way' (Single Ladies).

In February 2010 - I was having a terrible headache and so I asked Ice to massage my head. While massaging my head he prayed:

Ice: In the name of the Father, of the Son, of the Holy Spirit... God, please take away my mommy's head......... ache.

In  February 2010 - Ice was taking a bath inside our toilet when I went to his room to get his clothes:

Ice: Mommy come back here, I'm scared of ghosts!
Mommy: There are no ghosts!
Ice: But mommy, I have a third eye, I can see ghosts!
Mommy: (thinking to herself) Did he just say third eye??

In February 2010 - Onac was hugging Ice:

Daddy: You are my pillow!
Ice: You are my bed! (because Onac is bigger and softer than him)

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I Wanna Go Home
JuLiE




I love long conversations with my dad. We'd talk about anything and everything until the wee hours of the morning. It is usually over food, because obviously, I love eating and he, on the other hand loves cooking. He never runs out of things to say or stories to tell. He IS very talkative!

Conversations with my dad are very enriching. It may be in the form of new knowledge or information. He knows the answer to almost anything. Seriously. Or it may be the comfort words I want to hear when I'm down. It may be a drop (or sometimes loads!) of wisdom when I am lost or is clueless on know how to handle situations. Or it may be in the form of reminders or caution when I'm not doing the right thing. In any way, conversations with him are never a waste of time. He has a very good, sarcastic sense of humor, so there are times when we'd just laugh our hearts out. He is a food for my brain and my soul.




One afternoon, we were talking about my grandmother who already passed away around 8 years ago. He was telling me about how kind-hearted and generous she was although not everybody saw that in her. Then he started tearing and said that he misses her. The tears turned into sobs and before I knew it, he was already weeping. He was weeping because he misses his mother so much. I just sat there and did absolutely nothing. I didn't know what to say or what to do to make him feel better. I felt his grief and I'd do anything to share it. To make it less painful for him. But I can't. I don't know how. It has always been him who comforts us, who knows all the right things to say in any given situation. 

I am scared. I don't want that to ever happen to me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to live through it. Worse is, I don't want to later on regret that I haven't spent as much time with him as I can. Now. Now that he's still here. 

I wanna go home.


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