I don't believe in long term relationships.. or so I thought.
Blame it partly to the fact that I have been raised in a broken home that I used to believe that even the best of relationships don't usually last. I mean, it's nothing but normal to see break-ups, divorces, and infidelities happen in what used to be a 'perfect relationship'? You may think that I'm a pessimist, thanks, but I'd rather be thought off as a realist. It is realistic to believe that people tend to change.. in their thoughts and emotions. One day you could be genuinely happy being in the relationship, and the next thing you realize is it's suicide to stay further in that relationship. That's just the way it is. The best thing to do is move on. That's life.
Blame it partly to the fact that I have been raised in a broken home that I have subconsciously (or consciously, I'm not quite sure) built my defenses around me. That to be able to face my fear of pain and rejection, I chose to believe that relationships don't usually last. This prompted me to distance myself (to certain degrees) from people. Don't get me wrong, I assure you that my social skills are on an acceptable level. It's just that I tend not to give away myself too much (if at all).
But should it be that way?
When I was faced the dilemma of getting or not getting married, I confided to my dad that I was down-to-my-gutt scared. He only asked me one thing: do you love him? I answered yes. He said that that is reason enough. But it didn't change anything.. I was still scared! He assured me that there is really nothing to be scared of. All I have to do is hope for the best and expect the worst (cliche). Expect the worst by being a good and loving wife. Give and don't expect anything in return. Have faith in life he said.
That's when it hit me.
I still believe that relatonships have a tendency not to last and people still have a tendency to change. But whatever happens is whithin our control. We have the choice whether to keep a relationship stronger or let it fall into pieces right before our eyes. You don't expect the worst by preparing yourself for the pain that comes with it but by preventing it to happen (expect the worst by being a good and loving wife). And you don't face your fear of pain and rejection by building your defenses, thus, sacrificing happiness and fulfillment.
I didn't believe in long term relationships but people tend to change.. in their thoughts and emotions. And I think I have changed.
