I am really starting to hate my sister. She has been a very different person since she started going out with her, umm.. "boyfriend". She fails her subjects (I'm not sure if she attends it in the first place), doesn't go home for days (and looks sad and restless when she finally gets home), lies and makes up stories most of the time (and expects us to believe), and God knows what else she does to destroy herself!
I believe in the fluidity of gender and the need to liberate homosexuals from a conventional, oppressive and discriminating society. However, learning that your own sister has become one of them can be rather shocking, believe me. But I know that despite my not-so-positive reaction to her new relationship, I will be able to accept the fact that my sister has taken steps towards her own liberation. After the shock has worn off.
But not anymore. Not after seeing what that fucking relationship has done to her. Not after the pain she causes my ever loving, understanding, and forgiving dad. She might be feeling misunderstood or alone or whatever. But she doesn't even give an effort to be understood. Instead she continues to distance herself from us.
I still have nothing against same sex relationship in general. But I have everything against 'this' particular relationship.
Anyway, the latest news is she hasn't returned home for almost two months now. My dad does everything to contact and look for her. But you cannot find someone who refuses to be found. The pain she causes my dad is practically killing him. He couldn't eat nor sleep because of so much worry. I urged him to stop looking for her and assured him that she would soon find her way back. Give her space, it might be just a phase of some sort. Otherwise, she wouldn't learn her lessons. Lalo lang magmamatigas yan dahil alam nya na hinahabol-habol siya... But my dad would not listen. Again, in an effort to reach my sister, he went to UP last Saturday (he learned that she was taking summer classes) and finally saw her. He literally begged her to come home. She promised to come home the next day. But as expected, it was an empty promise. I hate to say "I told you so"...
It pains me so much to know how much my dad is suffering by what is happening with my sister (and to think that this is just a part of our dozens of other problems). If only I'm with him in the Philippines, I would have already shaken him up to make him realize that he can choose not to suffer. That he doesn't have to be miserable and he has to move on, wait and have faith that everything will be alright. But of course he would just answer me (like he always did) that "..a parent doesn't give up on his child. When you become a mother you'll know".
That is exactly why I love my dad so much. Because no matter how much we fail, we are assured that we still have someone to run to. He guides us to what is right but never condemns us when we do wrong. Instead, he would understand and give us more love and support. Yes, he doesn't give up on us. He never did.
When I become a mother, I'll know.. But will I? Will I be as understanding and loving and forgiving? I have yet to find out...
In the meantime, I think I'm still on the verge of hating my sister... for the pain she causes my dad.
